“Bullying simply does not have a chance to grow in a deeply developed culture of respect and caring.”
—Louise Hart & Kristen Caven, authors of The Bullying Antidote 

No one wants to raise a bully…or a victim. The Bullying Antidote provides clear guidance for parents who want to raise resilient and confident kids, and protect themselves from bullying dynamics as well.

“Congratulations on a fine achievement! …The Bullying Antidote focuses on solutions.”Dr. Laura Markham

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Mission Accomplished!

We have completed our giveaway of 3,000 copies of The Bullying Antidote!

After two years connecting with dozens of Oakland organizations, we put the last 800 copies of the books directly into the hands of Oakland parents at a Back to School Rally.

The word “Zorgos” was on everyone’s lips, thanks to a new acrostic that teaches positive parenting philosophy.

We are celebrating the end of our project with a banquet at Oakland’s historic Bellevue Club, featuring reports from readers and five winners of the Zorgos Awards (to be announced in a press release the week before.)

Nominate someone who inspires Zorgos, the superpower that prevents bullying!

(All nominees will be listed in our press release—make yours today.)

The evening begins with cocktails at 5pm and dinner at 6. Tickets are sliding scale from $25 to $40 and include a buffet dinner and beverage. There is a cash bar open until the event ends at 8pm.

Seats are limited…reserve yours today

Can’t make it to the event? Don’t worry, you can celebrate anywhere! Your $5 donation will help sponsor a meal for our awardees.


“What we nurture is what we get. Instead of nurturing bullying, we need to superpower our kids with Zorgos at every level of society.” —The Bullying Antidote, Chapter 19: Superpowering Our Kids
(See chapter excerpt in Aces Too High)

Cheers!
Kristen, Louise & TEAM ZORGOS!

Press Release

 

Flabbergasted…and Inspired.

First Lady Melania Trump recently addressed the United Nations about the problems of cyberbullying. After eight months of intolerant and aggressive actions by her husband, not to mention a constant stream of inflammatory bully-victim rhetoric on Twitter, the irony of her focus is as flabbergasting as her speech is inspiring.

In her speech, she discusses ethics, moral imperatives, and civic engagement, plus teaching children empathy.“Our choices on how we raise and educate our children will in fact provide the blue print for the next generation.” Her cry to connect parents was moving.

“When we join together as parents caring for children, whether they live in our own families, across the street, across the nation, or across the globe, we claim our responsibility to the next generation to ensure they are prepared to accept the torch of leadership for the world of tomorrow,” Trump said. “No child should ever feel hungry, stalked, frightened, terrorized, bullied, isolated or afraid, with nowhere to turn.”

Mrs. Trump, we applaud your words and good intentions. They are true no matter what your husband does.

We may have Melania to thank for the fact Trump has not removed https://www.stopbullying.gov/, the website created by the Obama administration—which, for readers of this blog, has cyberbullying resources on the front page.

For all her interest in #stopchildhoodbullying, Mrs. Trump is married to someone who was a childhood bully, an aggressive boy raised by an autocrat. Hopefully he will listen to her speech about the Golden Rule. It might be new to him.

 

5 Ways to Celebrate Zorgos Day … Anywhere!

The mayor of Oakland has proclaimed October 15th “Zorgos Day.” (You can read the proclamation here.) Here are some ways to celebrate it.

  1. Read a chapter of The Bullying Antidote with a friend or family member. Don’t have the book? The first three chapters and discussion questions for the whole book can be found here. There are good questions in every chapter!
  2. Look through the slides from our back-to-school presentation.
  3. Download “What to Do When…” and share with other parents.
  4. Talk with your kids, your friends, your parents. Draw pictures, write poems, talk about how you moved from picked-on to powerful. Maybe write an acrostic together!  Share it with us.
  5. Check out all the great ideas and resources available right here in The Zorgos Reader!

Say you are coming to our Zorgos Day Everywhere Facebook Event! Share something!

Make every day a Zorgos Day!

Have you got some other good ideas? Let us know!

 

ZORGOS stands for…

Here are some acrostics, or poetic treatments of the word Zorgos. Feel free to share… or add your own!

 

Zorgos Acrostic

 

 

This one is part of The Bullying Antidote workshop, and was taught to parents at Frank Ogawa Plaza at this year’s Back to School Rally. Watch the video!

2017 Zorgos Awards!

Who do you know who seems to have the superpower of “Zorgos?” Who calms heated arguments? Who raises people up? We all know someone who, when they are around, people rise up to their highest self.

Nominate someone for the 2017 Zorgos Awards! It could be someone you know—a teacher, a parent, a community leader. It could be someone you admire—a celebrity, an elected official. Or it could be someone who has really made a difference around creating safer, calmer cultures. 

Nominees will be honored at our Zorgos Day Celebration on October 15th.

Human on a Train

Talk about Zorgos! Taliesin Myrddin Namkai-Meche and his friends stood up for all women, all races, all religions, when confronting a bully on a train. He lost his life but he left this world with a full heart. His final words were “I want everyone on this train to know that I love them.”

His sister said “he was not a hero, he was a human.”

 
His family released this statement on Saturday afternoon:
 
“Taliesin Myrddin lived a joyous and full life. His enthusiasm was infectious. We lost him in a senseless act that brought close to home the insidious rift of prejudice and intolerance that is too familiar, too common. He was resolute in his conduct (and) respect of all people. In his final act of bravery, he held true to what he believed is the way forward. He will live in our hearts forever as the just, brave, loving, hilarious and beautiful soul he was. We ask that in honor of his memory, we use this tragedy as an opportunity for reflection and change. We choose love. Safe journey Taliesin. We love you.”

Read more at: Taliesin Meche’s Sister Speaks Out on Portland Stabbing

ReThink: an app to stop cyberbullying

“The adolescent brain is like a car with no brakes.” At 14, Trisha Prabhu found a way to put the brakes on mean comments that tweens and teens write to their peers. Parents, insist your kids install this app! You are paying for the phone and this free app, which stops 93% of mean comments, can save lives by slowing down natural impulses to be mean online. Please share Trisha’s interviews on SharkTank & TED plus the link to the ReThink website with other parents.

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ReThink is an award winning, non-intrusive, innovative, patent-pending
software product that effectively stops cyberbullying before the damage is done.
The world is currently in the midst of a technology revolution. There are 1.8 billion teens around the globe, and technology is in the hands of every adolescent. With more adolescents online, more are getting cyberbullied. Cyberbullied victims suffer from depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and more likely to drop out of school. Several solutions that are in place today address bullying after the damage is done. ReThink is the first ever solution to proactively prevent cyberbullying before the damage is done.
ReThink is conquering this silent pandemic one message at a time.

Here’s that website again! http://rethinkwords.com/

A Warm SCARF for Your Child’s Brain

Doctor of Neuroscience David Rock has changed the way businesses think about managing the human needs of their employees. Understanding his SCARF model can also help us to understand our children and teens.

We all have basic needs that must be met for us to feel safe and well. But when we are feeling emotionally uncomfortable, it’s not always obvious what those needs are.  The SCARF model of social needs by David Rock seems to be a very elegant way of exploring those needs. Here is a simple and intuitive description of the model:

STATUS – Your importance compared to others.

CERTAINTY – Predicting the future and anticipating change.

AUTONOMY – The sense of control over events, and the need to feel you have a choice.

RELATEDNESS – The sense of safety and belonging to a social group.

FAIRNESS – The fair exchanges between people.

If some of these areas are under threat, we experience an “away” feeling. If these needs are met, we experience a “towards” feeling. Watch your kids relate to peers, adults, information they receive from the world, and YOU, considering this model. The insights you receive will help you find ways to talk to them about what is going on, and how they can better get what they need.

Sources:
The SCARF model | Dr. Cezar Danilevici
Read more: David Rock on Neuroscience, Leadership and the SCARF Model (Ed Batista)

Parenting’s Troubled History

This excerpt from The Bullying Antidote was recently published on ACEsConnection:

As we learned from the CDC-Kaiser Permanente ACE Study, negative childhood experiences are often kept secret, downplayed, or repressed because ofthe_belt our powerful desire to put such things behind us. Unfortunately, our minds and our brains don’t work that way. Patterns can play out automatically, no matter how hard we try to be original and create our own realities.Just as it is important to know family medical history (e.g., diabetes or tuberculosis) it is equally important to know about our social inheritance.What is your ancestry? What destructive patterns did your parents and grandparents overcome? Think back to your childhood, to how you were disciplined. What were the consequences in the short term? In the long term? There is a chilling quote from Time magazine essayist Lance Morrow, from his ACES-informed book, Heart: “Generations are boxes within boxes; inside my mother’s violence you find another box, which contains my grandfather’s violence, and inside that box (I suspect but do not know) you would find another box with some such black secret energy—stories within stories, receding in time.”

Punishment and Fear-Based Leadership

Authoritarian or autocratic leadership, the very strict style predominant in early 20th century European countries, was also the predominant style in the U.S. before the 1960s. Many families and subcultures in America still abide by this style. The primary goal of authoritarian parents is obedience; their tools are blame, shame, guilt, threats, force, and abuse. Their goal is to control, and their greatest tool is punishment.

Keep reading at: Parenting’s Troubled History | ACEsConnection