How to Calm the Climate—at Home!

_A150897Dr. Louise Hart stood on a chair at the end of the 2017 Zorgos Awards and shared something from her career as a parent educator: a wonderful exercise that teaches healthy touch. She learned about it in the International Journal for the Prevention and Treatment of Child Abuse & Neglect, way back in the 1980s. Here’s an excerpt from The Winning Family, which inspired The Bullying Antidote.

Nurses would bring mothers who had been raised with abusive touch together with their children, for a cup of tea and a chance to change their natural instincts. This was such a hit they called it the “New Zealand Treat,” in which givers put their hands on the backs of receivers, and act out a “Weather Report.”

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It’s important to establish that the body receiving the attention is in charge, and should be giving feedback. (More! Harder! Stop that!) The purpose is to inflict pleasure, not pain. One mother found that she was able to stifle the urge to hit her child by massaging his back instead—with far superior results!

Humans are hard-wired for touch. Teaching children to give and receive massage is as beneficial as teaching them to value exercise, hard work and a good diet. Read more about the benefits of massaging your child. In this high-tech society, there is more a need for high-touch than ever before. Read this article in EduTech for more thoughts on that.

But in a world where the climate is changing and we feel out of control, this give-and-take exercise allows children and adults alike to feel calmer, connected, and more able to cope. It also provides a way to talk about and plan for ways to hande climate disasters as our world changes every day.

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Calm the climate in your home with this easy massage practice.

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The Zorgos Awards 2017

On October 15, 2017, we celebrated The Zorgos Awards with a delicious banquet at Oakland’s beautiful Bellevue Club.

Each nominee was introduced with a stack of words that represent qualities that make up Zorgos, the antidote to bullying, and the words were put into a suitcase. They received a certificate and a golden cape…to honor their ordinary superpowers!

Invocation by Amos White: view “There Are No Bullies & Red Dawn

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Photo by Rich Luibrand • Click photo to hear the poet read

Welcome by Kristen Caven: read “A Silly Word for a Serious Problem

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Henry Hitz, founder of Oakland Parents Together • Photo by Rich Luibrand

Henry Hitz presented Laquisha Cowan, parent coordinator

Effective listening is a key ingredient of The Bullying Antidote, and parent organizer Laquisha’s reputation as a good listener is well-earned. Her listening helps parents grow empathy, make better choices, build relationships with one another, and foster connections that reveal the wonderful truth of positivity: when we mutually support one another, we can overcome personal obstacles and difficulties and better help our children.

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Photo by Rich Luibrand

Sharon Fillion presented to Rebecka Langum, 4th Grade teacher

“Ms. Langum” is known for her enthusiasm and directness, and using humor and empathy to create calmer situations. She sees the best in everyone, and guides those around her to positivity…all of these qualities contribute to a growth mindset, which creates expanded possibility and solutions, interrupting and replacing negative bullying dynamics with the opposite: friendship, self-esteem, hope. She loves little Buddhas.

The award was accepted by everyday hero, Dave Caven.

 

Alice Wertz presented to Genice Jacobs, local and global activist, www.abolitionistmom.org.

Genice Jacobs Simenauer’s work protecting young girls has put the spotlight on an area that urgently calls for prevention. Bullying is a human rights issue, and slavery, the highest (lowest?) form of bullying, needs to be abolished. AGAIN! Her work bringing this issue to public consciousness through a 2014 billboard campaign, her work on policy at the city and state levels, and her work educating parents and teachers through her “Abolitionist Mom” website all support and demonstrate the concept of assertiveness — the “gutsy middle road” away from both bullying and victimhood and towards personal empowerment.

Genice Jacobs

Photo by Rich Luibrand • click it to see video of Genice’s inspiring acceptance speech.

Bellevue Zumba Club says: NO!

All my ladies listen up / If that boy ain’t giving up / Lick your lips and swing your hips / Girl all you gotta say is… / My name is no / my sign is no / my number is no / You need to let it go! / I’m feeling untouchable…. — Meghan Trainor

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Photo by Rich Luibrand • KRS-10 teaches Zumba at 8:30 on Wednesdays

Gary Yee presented to Ron Lytle, composer & lyricist www.ronlytle.com

Ron Lytle’s wonderful works of imagination for East Bay Children’s Theatre have made Grimm’s fairytales less grim, helping to heal a dark history of European childrearing. All of his works demonstrates character arcs towards virtue and happiness, and each show creates opportunities for positive, inter-generational community experiences. The arts as a renewable resource and a powerful primary prevention tool in teaching empathy. Thank you for helping us imagine more “Happily ever after!” These stories teach optimism and a growth mindset.

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Photo by Rich Luibrand • Does it look like Ron is getting an idea for a new musical? We hope so!

Clidell “Franceyez” Jackson III presented to Lamar Hancock, kingmaker

Lamar’s presence and work at Oakland Tech, relating to students and developing programs such as REAL HARD and the African American Male Achievement/Manhood Development program, has been part of an upshift in the story of black boyhood in Oakland. His day-to-day attention to positive change and respect has helped a generation of what might have been “lost” children identify their strengths, new perspectives, and greater powers in a world that defines them by and aligns them with heavy and often deadly bullying dynamics. We honor his spirit of capability in changing a downward spiral to an upward spiral.

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Lamar Hancock, Kristen Caven, Clidell Franceyez Jackson III, Dr. Louise Hart • Photo by Rich Luibrand

Louise Hart presented to Jeanne Gibbs, Thought Leader

The 1987 publication of Jeanne’s book, TRIBES, and subsequent creation of the Tribes Learning Community program created a classroom revolution with Community Circles. When things are going “right” in Oakland Schools, it’s usually because there is some form of this practice, which creates connection, inclusion, and caring among students. The simplicity of circles is a tried and true way to promote social emotional learning, a fundamental ingredient in The Bullying Antidote! Mia Lang accepted for Jeanne Gibbs.

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Photo by Rich Luibrand

(Read: “A Zorgos Day Blessing” by Clidell Franceyez Jackson III)

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Louise Hart presented “Putting Out Fires” circle

The “grand finale” put us all in mind of the fires burning north of us. Louise talked us through a simple backrub technique for healthy touch, featuring snowflakes, raindrops, hail, thunder, lightning, hurricanes, tidal wave, and a calm after the storm.

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“Climate Calming” exercise • All photos by Richard Luibrand

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Nominees who were not able to make the banquet, but who are honored and appreciate just the same, are

Lynette Gibson-McElhaney, city council member

Lynette Gibson McElhaney​ is a champion of evidence based, data-driven approaches to reduce violence such as Ceasefire and the new Department of Violence Prevention in Oakland. Children have a right to grow up without violence. Thank you Lynette, and the Oakland City Council for your foresight in moving Oakland from crisis mode to prevention mode.

Scott Johnson, journalist

Scott’s reporting on the widespread effects of trauma on Oakland’s children helped create awareness and empathy, leading to a greater understanding of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). Scott’s ground-breaking journalism helped empower those working to create change and build resilience. Understanding the consequences of trauma helps to create a deeper understanding of bully prevention.

Walk On Pup, local business

A dog-walking upshifted the emotions of dogs from conflict to friendship in one Oakland neighborhood, approaching owners of aggressive behind-the-fence dogs so their pets could walk with the neighborhood pack. Their efforts were part of a renaissance, weaving a social structure where people would stop to say hello. The mood of the neighborhood changed from tense and fearful to open and relaxed. A key concept in bully prevention that, as mammals, our brains are wired for connection, and intentional positivity can replace the urge to fight for territory and self-preservation.

Steve Kerr, basketball coach

Steve’s leadership of The Warriors demonstrates democratic authority, the exemplary “middle road” between permissive and autocratic leadership. Being a public “upstander” has influenced other national sports leaders. Steve’s insistence his team “play with joy” counter-models the punitive autocracy that is often associated with sports coaching, and has allowed talent to thrive and happiness to infuse our city as we share the success of his team. Oakland has experienced great happiness due to the ripple-effect of his positive leadership.

Pete Docter, screenwriter

We can all see joy, anger, sadness, disgust, and fear so differently now, so much more compassionately, thanks to the Pixar film Inside Out! We thank Pete Docter and Meg LeFauve for bringing the conversation of emotional literacy into the mainstream in a huge new way. It addressed not only the importance of all of our emotions, good and bad, and how different people experience emotion differently, but showed what can happen when we suppress our feelings. When parents understand brain science, they are more likely to use curiosity as an effective parenting tool that creates empathy and closeness, and less likely to identify behavior as “bad,”falling into traps of blaming, shaming, and punishing. Thank you for this beloved work!

NOTE: Nominations are still coming in. 

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By the end of the night, the suitcase was full of words…just like how Oakland is full of solutions.

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The date was chosen because of a mayoral proclamation for Oakland, but….

Anyone can give out Zorgos Awards!!!!

Thank you to “Team Zorgos!”

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Nakeyma Randle, Kristen Caven, Dave Caven, Louise Hart, Vicki Luibrand, Sharon Fillion. Not pictured: Alice Wertz, Laurie Panther

Thank you to our musicians, Sara Klotz de Aguilar and Daniel Finnamore.

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Photo by Rich Luibrand

And thank you to all of the members and staff of The Bellevue Club for such a memorable evening!

The Bellevue Club is a social club hosting a rejuvenation drive. We are all social creatures, hardwired for relationships! Please call for a tour if you would like to learn more about joining. 510-451-1000

 

 

A Zorgos Day Blessing

ZION to

ORION

RARE ROOTS OF RESISTANCE share

GENTLENESS GRACE and GRATITUDE

OBTAIN clean OXYGEN

SALUTE reducing SUNDAY carbon

—Clidell Francyez Jackson III for The Zorgos Project

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Clidell is the facilities coordinator for Oakland Peace Center, and co-founder of United Roots Oakland/Youth Impact Hub. His music is here.

Mission Accomplished!

We have completed our giveaway of 3,000 copies of The Bullying Antidote!

After two years connecting with dozens of Oakland organizations, we put the last 800 copies of the books directly into the hands of Oakland parents at a Back to School Rally.

The word “Zorgos” was on everyone’s lips, thanks to a new acrostic that teaches positive parenting philosophy.

We are celebrating the end of our project with a banquet at Oakland’s historic Bellevue Club, featuring reports from readers and five winners of the Zorgos Awards (to be announced in a press release the week before.)

Nominate someone who inspires Zorgos, the superpower that prevents bullying!

(All nominees will be listed in our press release—make yours today.)

The evening begins with cocktails at 5pm and dinner at 6. Tickets are sliding scale from $25 to $40 and include a buffet dinner and beverage. There is a cash bar open until the event ends at 8pm.

Seats are limited…reserve yours today

Can’t make it to the event? Don’t worry, you can celebrate anywhere! Your $5 donation will help sponsor a meal for our awardees.


“What we nurture is what we get. Instead of nurturing bullying, we need to superpower our kids with Zorgos at every level of society.” —The Bullying Antidote, Chapter 19: Superpowering Our Kids
(See chapter excerpt in Aces Too High)

Cheers!
Kristen, Louise & TEAM ZORGOS!

Press Release

 

Flabbergasted…and Inspired.

First Lady Melania Trump recently addressed the United Nations about the problems of cyberbullying. After eight months of intolerant and aggressive actions by her husband, not to mention a constant stream of inflammatory bully-victim rhetoric on Twitter, the irony of her focus is as flabbergasting as her speech is inspiring.

In her speech, she discusses ethics, moral imperatives, and civic engagement, plus teaching children empathy.“Our choices on how we raise and educate our children will in fact provide the blue print for the next generation.” Her cry to connect parents was moving.

“When we join together as parents caring for children, whether they live in our own families, across the street, across the nation, or across the globe, we claim our responsibility to the next generation to ensure they are prepared to accept the torch of leadership for the world of tomorrow,” Trump said. “No child should ever feel hungry, stalked, frightened, terrorized, bullied, isolated or afraid, with nowhere to turn.”

Mrs. Trump, we applaud your words and good intentions. They are true no matter what your husband does.

We may have Melania to thank for the fact Trump has not removed https://www.stopbullying.gov/, the website created by the Obama administration—which, for readers of this blog, has cyberbullying resources on the front page.

For all her interest in #stopchildhoodbullying, Mrs. Trump is married to someone who was a childhood bully, an aggressive boy raised by an autocrat. Hopefully he will listen to her speech about the Golden Rule. It might be new to him.

 

5 Ways to Celebrate Zorgos Day … Anywhere!

The mayor of Oakland has proclaimed October 15th “Zorgos Day.” (You can read the proclamation here.) Here are some ways to celebrate it.

  1. Read a chapter of The Bullying Antidote with a friend or family member. Don’t have the book? The first three chapters and discussion questions for the whole book can be found here. There are good questions in every chapter!
  2. Look through the slides from our back-to-school presentation.
  3. Download “What to Do When…” and share with other parents.
  4. Talk with your kids, your friends, your parents. Draw pictures, write poems, talk about how you moved from picked-on to powerful. Maybe write an acrostic together!  Share it with us.
  5. Check out all the great ideas and resources available right here in The Zorgos Reader!

Say you are coming to our Zorgos Day Everywhere Facebook Event! Share something!

Make every day a Zorgos Day!

Have you got some other good ideas? Let us know!

 

ZORGOS stands for…

Here are some acrostics, or poetic treatments of the word Zorgos. Feel free to share… or add your own!

 

Zorgos Acrostic

 

 

This one is part of The Bullying Antidote workshop, and was taught to parents at Frank Ogawa Plaza at this year’s Back to School Rally. Watch the video!

2017 Zorgos Awards Nominations

Who do you know who seems to have the superpower of “Zorgos?” Who calms heated arguments? Who raises people up? We all know someone who, when they are around, people rise up to their highest self.

Nominate someone for the 2017 Zorgos Awards! It could be someone you know—a teacher, a parent, a community leader. It could be someone you admire—a celebrity, an elected official. Or it could be someone who has really made a difference around creating safer, calmer cultures. Nominees will be honored at our Zorgos Day Celebration on October 15th.