Human on a Train

Talk about Zorgos! Taliesin Myrddin Namkai-Meche and his friends stood up for all women, all races, all religions, when confronting a bully on a train. He lost his life but he left this world with a full heart. His final words were “I want everyone on this train to know that I love them.”

His sister said “he was not a hero, he was a human.”

 
His family released this statement on Saturday afternoon:
 
“Taliesin Myrddin lived a joyous and full life. His enthusiasm was infectious. We lost him in a senseless act that brought close to home the insidious rift of prejudice and intolerance that is too familiar, too common. He was resolute in his conduct (and) respect of all people. In his final act of bravery, he held true to what he believed is the way forward. He will live in our hearts forever as the just, brave, loving, hilarious and beautiful soul he was. We ask that in honor of his memory, we use this tragedy as an opportunity for reflection and change. We choose love. Safe journey Taliesin. We love you.”

Read more at: Taliesin Meche’s Sister Speaks Out on Portland Stabbing

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ReThink: an app to stop cyberbullying

“The adolescent brain is like a car with no brakes.” At 14, Trisha Prabhu found a way to put the brakes on mean comments that tweens and teens write to their peers. Parents, insist your kids install this app! You are paying for the phone and this free app, which stops 93% of mean comments, can save lives by slowing down natural impulses to be mean online. Please share Trisha’s interviews on SharkTank & TED plus the link to the ReThink website with other parents.

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ReThink is an award winning, non-intrusive, innovative, patent-pending
software product that effectively stops cyberbullying before the damage is done.
The world is currently in the midst of a technology revolution. There are 1.8 billion teens around the globe, and technology is in the hands of every adolescent. With more adolescents online, more are getting cyberbullied. Cyberbullied victims suffer from depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and more likely to drop out of school. Several solutions that are in place today address bullying after the damage is done. ReThink is the first ever solution to proactively prevent cyberbullying before the damage is done.
ReThink is conquering this silent pandemic one message at a time.

Here’s that website again! http://rethinkwords.com/

A Warm SCARF for Your Child’s Brain

Doctor of Neuroscience David Rock has changed the way businesses think about managing the human needs of their employees. Understanding his SCARF model can also help us to understand our children and teens.

We all have basic needs that must be met for us to feel safe and well. But when we are feeling emotionally uncomfortable, it’s not always obvious what those needs are.  The SCARF model of social needs by David Rock seems to be a very elegant way of exploring those needs. Here is a simple and intuitive description of the model:

STATUS – Your importance compared to others.

CERTAINTY – Predicting the future and anticipating change.

AUTONOMY – The sense of control over events, and the need to feel you have a choice.

RELATEDNESS – The sense of safety and belonging to a social group.

FAIRNESS – The fair exchanges between people.

If some of these areas are under threat, we experience an “away” feeling. If these needs are met, we experience a “towards” feeling. Watch your kids relate to peers, adults, information they receive from the world, and YOU, considering this model. The insights you receive will help you find ways to talk to them about what is going on, and how they can better get what they need.

Sources:
The SCARF model | Dr. Cezar Danilevici
Read more: David Rock on Neuroscience, Leadership and the SCARF Model (Ed Batista)

Parenting’s Troubled History

This excerpt from The Bullying Antidote was recently published on ACEsConnection:

As we learned from the CDC-Kaiser Permanente ACE Study, negative childhood experiences are often kept secret, downplayed, or repressed because ofthe_belt our powerful desire to put such things behind us. Unfortunately, our minds and our brains don’t work that way. Patterns can play out automatically, no matter how hard we try to be original and create our own realities.Just as it is important to know family medical history (e.g., diabetes or tuberculosis) it is equally important to know about our social inheritance.What is your ancestry? What destructive patterns did your parents and grandparents overcome? Think back to your childhood, to how you were disciplined. What were the consequences in the short term? In the long term? There is a chilling quote from Time magazine essayist Lance Morrow, from his ACES-informed book, Heart: “Generations are boxes within boxes; inside my mother’s violence you find another box, which contains my grandfather’s violence, and inside that box (I suspect but do not know) you would find another box with some such black secret energy—stories within stories, receding in time.”

Punishment and Fear-Based Leadership

Authoritarian or autocratic leadership, the very strict style predominant in early 20th century European countries, was also the predominant style in the U.S. before the 1960s. Many families and subcultures in America still abide by this style. The primary goal of authoritarian parents is obedience; their tools are blame, shame, guilt, threats, force, and abuse. Their goal is to control, and their greatest tool is punishment.

Keep reading at: Parenting’s Troubled History | ACEsConnection

Recovering After Trauma

After 18 months of brutal campaigning, Americans are waking up to the distressing reality that the country is divided and many of its citizens are facing real danger with more on the way—the self-fulfilling prophecy of fear.

Bullying and trauma are deeply intertwined, and in urban environments and in the media our kids are seeing so much more trauma on a daily basis than ever before. So this seemed like a good time to share this great resource for parents. Because it can help us all, as well.

Five Things to Help our Children (and Ourselves) after a Traumatic Event (from Emotional Geographic)

First: Turn off your television. Do not reinforce the traumatic experience at the emotional or neurological level.

Second: Trauma shatters our experience of safety so we all seek some reassurance that our loved ones are okay, and we want to believe that this will never happen to us.

Third: Trauma shatters our sense of trust and stability. The antidote to this is to attend to your routines.

Fourth: One of the greatest antidotes to trauma and the experience of helplessness is to help. Be active. Reach out.

Fifth: Resolve each day to bring a little more light and a little more love.

Read the whole article at: Five Things to Help our Children (and Ourselves) after a Traumatic Event. — Emotional Geographic

#DedicateYourNo-TrumpVote

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Acclaimed novelist Julianna Baggott wrote a simple Facebook post, dedicating her “No Trump Vote” to women who feel threatened. Within days, it had been shared over 1100 times. Read it here. The act of writing the dedication felt hopeful, and it seemed to have struck a chord. So Julianna and her husband David Scott decided to invite others to join her.

Add your story to the Dedicate Your No-Trump Vote. And read powerful essays by other acclaimed writers such as Pam Houston, Jodi Picoult, and more.

You can use the hashtag #DedicateYourNoTrumpVote or share the link to the web site — http://www.DedicateYourNoTrumpVote — if you’d like to spread the word.

Zorgos PSA

Please share this public service announcement from recording artist David Bryce:

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Do you suffer from bullying?

I don’t just mean that schoolyard jerk who keeps punching you in the head when the teacher’s not looking, or the bad boss who makes everything look like it’s your fault or the boyfriend who calls you fat behind closed doors or in front of your friends—though I do mean them too—but I mean all the ways kids AND adults being mean or insensitive or just dominating others for some reason or another create this ripple effect in your community that brings the energy down and sucks up all the oxygen and wastes your precious time? You know, time you’d rather spend getting your own work done? Having fun with your peeps? Making the world a better place?

Well, you should be making the world a better place. And so should those jerks who are making you and other people feel like, well, (farting noise.)

If you suffer from bullying, suffer no longer. There is a solution!

There are many solutions, as a matter of fact! And I bet you know what some of them are already! Positive thoughts and speech, clear limits, high expectations, positive role models, warm family climates, self-esteem, impulse control, connection, trust, friendship, social skills, empathy, assertiveness, respect, good boundaries, compassion, fairness, prevention, resilience, kindness, mercy, non-violent communication, AND a sense of humor.

But that’s too much to say in one breath. (For you, but not for me.) So when you are looking for the word for that thing that transforms helplessness into hopefulness, just say:

Zorgos. (whisper) Zorgos. (shout) Zorgos!

It feels great, doesn’t it?

When you’ve got zorgos (and you KNOW people who have it—think Oprah, Malala, Springsteen, Mandela, Peter Parker—) you want to shift out of negative power dynamics and into positive connection. You want to find the thing that will help everyone get what they need so people stop climbing on everyone else’s power. You want to find friends who have zorgos, and you want to build zorgos into your family, your friendships, your school, your neighborhood, your workplace. You want to stop the (farting noise) and start the (cheering noise).

Zorgos comes from the esperanto word for “I will take care.” Esperanto is a worldwide language. If you want to learn more about how to build Zorgos and all it stands for into your life then grab a friend and read The Bullying Antidote together.

Visit the Zorgos Project at www.zorgosproject.com to get started.

 

 

All-American Bully

Here at the Zorgos Reader, we have been observing America’s powerful attraction to the irreverent charm of Donald Trump.  No matter how many stories of his racist speech, his sexist attitudeshis unethical business practices, or his rudeness to just about everybody come out, his poll numbers stay strong. But politics are often where we see bullying and Zorgos most clearly.

Here is a concept you can share with others to create conversation.

The reason Trump may be so beloved by his supporters is that a lot of Americans relate to the bullying dynamic. A bully’s true power comes from his or her followers, who support and encourage their bravado and dominance. Allying with a bully makes an insecure person feel stronger. The Bullying Antidote is about laws that provide systemic fairness and good leadership that protects the weak from those who would exploit or dominate them.

We have enlisted Mr. Trump to help us get the word out…

Please share! There will be more of these on our Facebook page in the coming weeks.

Bullying doesn't always look like bullying

And here is a psychological assessment of Trump.

Now Booking Workshops for Fall!

fall promoRolling out our fall workshops! The free books offer is only for Oakland organizations…but the discount is for everyone!

How to turn bullying dynamics around? It starts with the family. Get the conversation started in your school, church, or community group.

Discount for bookings scheduled before August 30th.

Please write to info@upliftprograms.com for more information.

www.upliftprograms.com | www.zorgosproject.org | www.parentstogether.org