Recovering After Trauma

After 18 months of brutal campaigning, Americans are waking up to the distressing reality that the country is divided and many of its citizens are facing real danger with more on the way—the self-fulfilling prophecy of fear.

Bullying and trauma are deeply intertwined, and in urban environments and in the media our kids are seeing so much more trauma on a daily basis than ever before. So this seemed like a good time to share this great resource for parents. Because it can help us all, as well.

Five Things to Help our Children (and Ourselves) after a Traumatic Event (from Emotional Geographic)

First: Turn off your television. Do not reinforce the traumatic experience at the emotional or neurological level.

Second: Trauma shatters our experience of safety so we all seek some reassurance that our loved ones are okay, and we want to believe that this will never happen to us.

Third: Trauma shatters our sense of trust and stability. The antidote to this is to attend to your routines.

Fourth: One of the greatest antidotes to trauma and the experience of helplessness is to help. Be active. Reach out.

Fifth: Resolve each day to bring a little more light and a little more love.

Read the whole article at: Five Things to Help our Children (and Ourselves) after a Traumatic Event. — Emotional Geographic

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#DedicateYourNo-TrumpVote

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Acclaimed novelist Julianna Baggott wrote a simple Facebook post, dedicating her “No Trump Vote” to women who feel threatened. Within days, it had been shared over 1100 times. Read it here. The act of writing the dedication felt hopeful, and it seemed to have struck a chord. So Julianna and her husband David Scott decided to invite others to join her.

Add your story to the Dedicate Your No-Trump Vote. And read powerful essays by other acclaimed writers such as Pam Houston, Jodi Picoult, and more.

You can use the hashtag #DedicateYourNoTrumpVote or share the link to the web site — http://www.DedicateYourNoTrumpVote — if you’d like to spread the word.

Zorgos PSA

Please share this public service announcement from recording artist David Bryce:

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Do you suffer from bullying?

I don’t just mean that schoolyard jerk who keeps punching you in the head when the teacher’s not looking, or the bad boss who makes everything look like it’s your fault or the boyfriend who calls you fat behind closed doors or in front of your friends—though I do mean them too—but I mean all the ways kids AND adults being mean or insensitive or just dominating others for some reason or another create this ripple effect in your community that brings the energy down and sucks up all the oxygen and wastes your precious time? You know, time you’d rather spend getting your own work done? Having fun with your peeps? Making the world a better place?

Well, you should be making the world a better place. And so should those jerks who are making you and other people feel like, well, (farting noise.)

If you suffer from bullying, suffer no longer. There is a solution!

There are many solutions, as a matter of fact! And I bet you know what some of them are already! Positive thoughts and speech, clear limits, high expectations, positive role models, warm family climates, self-esteem, impulse control, connection, trust, friendship, social skills, empathy, assertiveness, respect, good boundaries, compassion, fairness, prevention, resilience, kindness, mercy, non-violent communication, AND a sense of humor.

But that’s too much to say in one breath. (For you, but not for me.) So when you are looking for the word for that thing that transforms helplessness into hopefulness, just say:

Zorgos. (whisper) Zorgos. (shout) Zorgos!

It feels great, doesn’t it?

When you’ve got zorgos (and you KNOW people who have it—think Oprah, Malala, Springsteen, Mandela, Peter Parker—) you want to shift out of negative power dynamics and into positive connection. You want to find the thing that will help everyone get what they need so people stop climbing on everyone else’s power. You want to find friends who have zorgos, and you want to build zorgos into your family, your friendships, your school, your neighborhood, your workplace. You want to stop the (farting noise) and start the (cheering noise).

Zorgos comes from the esperanto word for “I will take care.” Esperanto is a worldwide language. If you want to learn more about how to build Zorgos and all it stands for into your life then grab a friend and read The Bullying Antidote together.

Visit the Zorgos Project at www.zorgosproject.com to get started.

 

 

All-American Bully

Here at the Zorgos Reader, we have been observing America’s powerful attraction to the irreverent charm of Donald Trump.  No matter how many stories of his racist speech, his sexist attitudeshis unethical business practices, or his rudeness to just about everybody come out, his poll numbers stay strong. But politics are often where we see bullying and Zorgos most clearly.

Here is a concept you can share with others to create conversation.

The reason Trump may be so beloved by his supporters is that a lot of Americans relate to the bullying dynamic. A bully’s true power comes from his or her followers, who support and encourage their bravado and dominance. Allying with a bully makes an insecure person feel stronger. The Bullying Antidote is about laws that provide systemic fairness and good leadership that protects the weak from those who would exploit or dominate them.

We have enlisted Mr. Trump to help us get the word out…

Please share! There will be more of these on our Facebook page in the coming weeks.

Bullying doesn't always look like bullying

And here is a psychological assessment of Trump.

Now Booking Workshops for Fall!

fall promoRolling out our fall workshops! The free books offer is only for Oakland organizations…but the discount is for everyone!

How to turn bullying dynamics around? It starts with the family. Get the conversation started in your school, church, or community group.

Discount for bookings scheduled before August 30th.

Please write to info@upliftprograms.com for more information.

www.upliftprograms.com | www.zorgosproject.org | www.parentstogether.org

“How to Build a Bully from Scratch”

“Bullying prevention and intervention can only occur in the slow stages of relationship building.”

Here’s an interesting video from Conscious Discipline.

How To Make A Bully (From Scratch)

Bullying is one of the most misunderstood crises of our time. Bullies are created by a specific life-path we can reroute at any stage when we know the road signs to look for along the way. Are you ready to help transform both bullies and victims into contributing, connected members of society? Then take a walk down the life-path of both with Dr. Becky Bailey, a renowned developmental psychology and early childhood expert, and the founder of Conscious Discipline.

It is interesting to us that this example child is given time-outs and other forms of less-violent parenting… but notice how the warmth is still absent.

All About the Zorgos Project

Please share with your networks!

3,000 Free Books for Oakland Parents

Last fall, Oakland Parents Together (OPT) was the recipient of a generous donation of over 3,000 copies of The Bullying Antidote (Hazelden/Betty Ford Foundation) by Oakland authors Dr. Louise Hart and Kristen Caven.

Bully Prevention through Positive Parenting
Unlike other books on bullying, The Bullying Antidote identifies bullying as a cultural power dynamic that has deep roots, perpetrated by common and wide-spread parenting methods. The book is a guide for positive parenting principles which have been proven by neurological, psychological, and sociological research to be the best practices for success and happiness.

Start a Discussion Group Now or in Fall

We have just over 100 cases (24 books each) left to distribute to parent groups in schools, churches, work, family, and other community settings in Oakland. The authors have created a self-paced discussion guide to promote authentic parent-to-parent conversations about bullying, love, violence, nurturing, trauma, and creating positivity in family relationships.

Request Books Here!

The authors also provide support in the form of presentations for parents. Furthermore, OPT staff is available to help facilitate conversations through their signature program, the Parent Café.

If you would like to receive a case of books for your school, church, or other community group, please visit www.zorgosproject.org.

Please share this announcement!

(Here’s the Press Release.)

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P.S. Want to keep in touch? You can sign up for our mailing list and/or get blog posts from The Zorgos Reader.

Discussion Questions: Wrap-Up

Got Zorgos?

We hope you gained great insight by reading and discussing The Bullying Antidote with other parents, and we hope you made some friends as well.

“Making and keeping friends is the number one predictor of adult success in every measure, in every realm. Bullying interrupts that process.”

—Nicholas Carlisle, founder of the No Bully intervention system

Q: Would you recommend this book, or this project to other parents? If so, we would so appreciate your review  of The Bullying Antidote on Amazon, Goodreads, or anywhere else parents will find it.

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Let us know how your discussion group went and we will send you some free stickers for your participants, while supplies last.

Here’s a Certificate of Completion to print out for your group.

<< Chapter 19 | Introduction >>

Discussion Questions: Chapter Nineteen

Superpowering Our Kids

We have reached the end of The Bullying Antidote! This chapter wraps up everything we have learned with some big-picture ideas: The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, human rights, and how Sweden got to the top of the UNICEF child well-being list.

“As much as we like the idea of an antidote to bullying, what we really love is the idea of building immunity. We really love the idea of a superpower: Zorgos! Our secret word represents all the antidotes we’ve mentioned rolled into one. To be called forth, it must be nurtured from the inside and the outside.” (p. 347)

Q: Zorgos is a six-letter word that symbolizes all of the human qualities that are the opposite of, or the antidotes to bullying. After reading this book, how would you personally define Zorgos?

“…Bullying overlaps with civil rights issues; it can be seen as discriminatory harassment when it is based on race, national origin, sex, age, disability, or religion.” (p. 348)

Q: Parents don’t always realize that schools are required by law to protect children from discrimination and harassment issues. How do you see your child’s school teaching these concepts? What types of bullying are not legally-protected harassment issues?

every living soulrespect“When students are taught about human rights in schools, they tend to treat one another and themselves better.” (p. 348)

“Human rights are something we give one another.” (p. 350)

Q: Who is in charge of giving humans their rights? Other humans who have power. How can you give rights to those who you have power over? 

A song about giving human rights

A song about giving human rights

Extra Credit: Organize a community musical project with students on the Convention on the Rights of the Child. OR on the Universal Declaration of Human Rights

“The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, Article 29, specifies that countries must take responsibility for…all appropriate legislative, administrative, social and educational measures to protect the child from all form of physical or mental violence, injury or abuse, neglect or negligent treatment, maltreatment or exploitation, including sexual abuse, while in the care of parent(s), legal guardian(s) or any other person who has the care of the child.”

Q: All members of the United Nations have ratified (agreed to) the Convention on the Rights of the Child, except three: the United States, South Sudan (the newest nation), and Somalia. Why do you suppose the United States has not done so?

Extra Credit: Sign this petition for the Universal Declaration on the Rights of the Child, or write to your representatives in congress! 

The United States is at the bottom of the UNICEF (United Nations Children’s Fund) well-being list. Sweden landed at the top of the list. Let’s compare:

“The Swedish government supports the vital parent-child attachment process that promotes healthy development…. Meanwhile, the United States is the only country in the developed world without a mandatory paid maternity leave. Even in Afghanistan, the worst country in the world in terms of mothering support, mothers get ninety days of paid leave.” (p. 352)

Q: Which of the facts about Sweden listed in the bullets on page 352 do you find most impressive, or most desirable for our country?

“Adults, just like children, are influenced by their peers. The conversations we have, the news we watch and listen to, the interactions with other adults—all of these things influence us. It is essential that you find a buddy who shares in your vision of positive parenting. Or better yet, a community.” (p. 357)

Q: Through this discussion process, do you feel like you have found a buddy to support you in your work as a parent? A community?

What will you do next?

Looking for resource links? Click here.

<< Chapter 18 | Finale >>